was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
