I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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