hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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