Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
