every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
