So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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