you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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