Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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