everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
