I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
