I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
