So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
