Plan B is the new Plan A
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
