I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
