Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
