Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
