When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
