I CAN MOONWALK!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My penis needs a shock collar
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
