o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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