We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
