What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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