First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sorry about my life...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
