Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I supernannyed him into submission
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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