The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
