so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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