Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
