did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
