just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize