How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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