i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
