My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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