my being single is dangerous.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
