you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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