Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
