I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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