i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
