I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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