so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Bring me that man meat
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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