I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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