The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
