I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
