I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
