dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
