I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
