Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
