If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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