Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
