What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
