I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
