trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
