I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
