My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
