I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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