HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
