I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
