That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The adults are the big ones right?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
