so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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