Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
