he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I am naked and annoyed.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
