I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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