I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
