I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He felt like a one man threesome
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
