The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
