Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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