"it" just moved
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
